The End

I stood in the rain,and she stood with me.We held each other close and I ran my hand through her hair,dripping wet and soggy.Her hand was on the small of my back,moving in a circle as if drawing a portrait for me and me alone.

My tears fell,as they have not in a long time,but the rain masked them well.What else is the rain for except for masking tears.I could tell where my tears were,their warmth stood out from the freezing cold of the wind.I could feel as they traced a path down my cheek and into her hair.
We stood that way for a long time,I could feel the swell of her breasts through her shirt and through my skin,and they rose and fell with every breath.

She was crying too.Her tears felt as real as mine,and her mascara left a deep color on my shirt.
She was the girl in the park,and she was the girl by the lake and she was the spider in my dreams.
She was all these things,and above all,she was the love of my life.

The rain blurred everything around me,or was that just me.I dont know anymore,and the more i think back on it the more seems lost to me.
We stood in my memory with the rain for an eternity.And at the end of it all I let her go,she picked up her suitcase and she walked out of the rain,or into the world.
Gone with her was her hot breath,her tears,her laugh,her smell,her life.
Her kiss.
And there i was in the rain,in my pocket the ciggarette man had given me.
And in my living room,the painting she had left me
And in my memory,the conversation we had beside the lake.

to die

A girl once asked me what it felt like to die.
what if felt like to feel life and soul slip away through your eyes,to see the world become a starless night.
To feel an eternal cold.
She asked me by a lake,with our feet dangling over the side.

She was dressed in shades of aqua and brown,and her eyes were deeper than the lake that filled our horizon.
What does it feel like to die?
Going home,I said.I think dying feels like going home.
I think dying feels like floating in water thats the same temperature as you,in a lightless place which could be a bathtub or an ocean
I think it feels like your entire body shrinking down to a solid pebble that lies at the centre of your heart.
I think dying feels like living in reverse.
I told her these things,and she nodded.

If dying were like the things you described,it cant be so bad.she said.
I would very much like to die.To feel those things.

And she leaned forward and fell over into the lake.She hit the water with a deep booming sound.
And i sat there,waiting for the next girl,and the next question and the next lake.